106.6

I did not fasting or anything. But my weight was somewhat undercontrol this week. After past time fasting which resulted me 106.8lbs, my weight range was aroud 107-108. The highest was only 108. 

I really loving this sense of control especially when it works.

Today I will go out with friends which include lunch and dinner together and I'm so afraid. I need to plan excuses. I've reasearch some stuff yesterday night. I guess I wouldn't get away from eating in front of them. I will eat very very slow, play around with my food, and order more water which I will drink during eating. That would be a great plan.

Also I'm so afraid for gold coast as well, which means I will need to be around my friends 24/5 (because it's 5 days). I will be going from the 9/2 and coming back 14/2. I just need to be careful to make excuses and avoid eating, so they won't suspecting or ever ask a single question. And I must bring my digital scale there (quietly).

Ahhh....so frustrating!! But I don't want to  mess up what I've been working on this far.

If she can do it. So WILL I!!

106.8!! Wohoo (day 2 fasting Sunday)

Reach 106 mark in just a day fast. I'll do second day fasting since the number is very vunarable.

108.4 ewh!! Fasting Saturday

Man...when can i reach at least 106 mark. Must be tomorrow !!!!

108.6

8:00am mocha soy coffee gloria jeans

11:00am soy hot choc + one biscuit

2:00pm one piece of fried chicken

7:30 pm one piece of cheese cracker

I'm glad that everyone were very busy at work so I had chance to not eat just managed to nibble one piece of biscuit at morning tea and one piece of cutted fried chicken friend made at work for project.

The weight title was done when the first time I woke up. Then tonight at 8:09pm, i weigh my self again it down to 107.6. So weirddddd... But happy though :)

108.0

Omg!! 0.3 increament!! But I can't fast today. I'm working today and usually we have lunch together. If I don't eat, People will ask me why why why why? Stop asking me why!!! 

They would say 'you should taking care of yourself'. Well I AM taking care of myself by not eating in order to lose weight so I won't be as obese as you!!

They love to ask 'why' but never understand for how much explanation I gave them. I'm tired making excuses. I'm tired answering them. People is annoyance!

8:00am - water

9:30am - soy hot choc with tiny bit of unsweeten corn chex cereal

12:30- lunch fish cakes+couscous

1:00pm - dessert thai sticky rice mango

107.8

Yesterday was 108.7 (49.3) means I lost 1 pound.

I like to see it in pounds instead of kilos, so that I can see the worth of not eating. Though the Australians usually see the scale in kilos.

8:00 am - mocha

8:30 am-2:00 pm - ice tea

3:00 pm - mango

4:00 pm - egg+portebello mushroom+smoked salmon

8:00 pm - 4 tsp Thai Mango Sticky Rice 

The only fatty food I ate was the mango sticky rice. With the amount of fat contained in the coconut milk, it made me feel like a failure :(. Hope the scale won't betray me tomorrow.

Thinspo for today

http://missforfeit.tumblr.com/post/73002950796/perfect-body

CW 49.3 fasting day

Will be posting what I ate for the entire day:

10:00am - coffee

12:00pm - coffee

2:00-5:00 pm -bice tea

7:00pm - coffee

9:00pm - ginger drink with soy milk

-water-

CW 49.5

I bought a digital scale at target yestertay. I weigh myself this morning and realised that I'm freagin 49.5 not 48!!!

My analog scale was scewed!!

My next GW changed to 48 then

I'm back with Thinspiration

It's 2014 and so many things good and bad has been happening.

I've broken up with my 3.5 yr of relationship in the beginning 2011. Speaking that was also at the period on my last semester at uni. I was broken and gained weight because of wanting to let the pain left me.

In the beginning of 2012, I went out with another guy. But it lasted only for two months when he realised he still had a feeling with his freagin ugly and fat ex. I was devastated and have been on mental illness ever since. 

It's becoming worst now. I literally could hate people. Hate them so much.

Not only guys but mostly also girls. I hate hang out and celebrate event together with a bunch of friends. I prefer stay at home watching Korean drama. Crying by myself.

I constantly getting depress and not knowing what to do in life. My relationship with God also falling and feel like my ministry at church is an act of hypocrytism (no such word, I made that up).

The only goal I have now is to become skinny. Currently my weight is still not crazily up but I want to loss again. Back to my lowest weight again 44 kg.

Current weight= 48kg

Goal weight = 45kg

GW next week 17/01 = 47.5kg